so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
