he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
