At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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