if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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