Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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