I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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