I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
