so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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