At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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