Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
