Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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