my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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