Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
