Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
