i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
