yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't deserve a penis
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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