Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
