so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
