small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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