bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
