You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
