I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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