Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
