The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
