I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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