I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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