she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
