If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
