Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
