Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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