The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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