nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
