I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
