call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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