I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
