I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
