just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
