I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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