Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
