I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
