i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
