Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
