I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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