Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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