apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
