Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
