I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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