the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
