If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
