I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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