So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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