I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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